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Page last updated Thursday, 09-May-2013
 
 

Corporations (previous quotes now in a PDF file)

Can't action that initiative
'We don't have enough resource to action that initiative right now.' Thanks to Alasdair.

Reach out and push for integration!
The advice of a manager towards an employee whom he sent to another department in Betfair, UK. Thanks to Pavel.

Moving firms forward with powerful solution
'CCH Launches CCH Axcess™: Powerful, Single Cloud Solution Moves Firms Forward
CCH has announced the launch of CCH AxcessTM – the only cloud-based modular tax preparation, compliance and firm management solution built from the ground up offering the profession's most powerful solution for complete firm management. With CCH Axcess at the center of a firm, professionals can accelerate growth, optimize firm operations and advance the firm's reputation – all with the support of a customized modular solution covering tax and workflow processes.' CCH group, a tax publisher in the US. Thanks to Nick Cannon.

Not rushing, executing in an expeditious manner
'Q: What advantage does the Project team see in rushing ahead with this change?

A: The intention is not to “rush” but, if the project is approved, to execute in an expeditious manner so as to minimise the amount of time in a transitional state.' Thanks to anonymous. 

Relationship summary
What Wells Fargo Bank calls an account statement. Thanks to Rod Vance.

Heiniken's key engagement tool
'This activity is focused on bringing Heiniken's heritage to life in a contemporary and forward-looking manner ... The focus is on discovery and exploration using their heritage as the key engagement tool.' Thanks to Robert.

customer-centric vigilance
'Our proprietary work includes a killer plug and play framework that can quickly instill a language of shared values, high performance standards, and customer-centric vigilance from the C-Suite to entry level line staff. We use it to quickly produce effective training modules and interventions that achieve a wide range of corporate goals, help make the numbers, and attract and retain talented personnel.' From an email service that Tracey Korsten subscribes to.

Enjoying going forward
'We hope you've enjoyed receiving your past 2 Telstra bills via email. We'd like to continue sending your bill by email so from your next bill going forward...' Thanks to Tamsin who writes: 'Many things in my life are enjoyable; receiving a Telstra bill in my inbox is not one of those things. And don't get me started on "going forward".'

'Employees – “People as innovation dynamos”
It is ideally trained and experienced employees, who in an ongoing dialogue with our customers, develop overall solutions for complex automation assignments. KEBA has a performance-oriented team and a corporate culture based on individual responsibility, trust, respect and personal freedom. We employ systematic personnel development and rely on the targeted further development of professional skills and the personality.' From KEBA's mission statement.

'Employees – “People as service innovation dynamos”
'It is ideally trained and experienced employees, who in an ongoing dialogue with our customers, develop overall solutions for complex service assignments. nicheBees has a performance-oriented team and a corporate culture based on individual responsibility, trust, respect and personal freedom. We employ systematic personnel development and honing of professional skills.' Niche Bees: commitment to sustain change.

'The 2012 year has seen more tremendous results as we maintain our track record of delivering high quality research outcomes with our project teams continuing to work effectively. We have successfully completed more projects and have commenced numerous new ones, further building on the capability advances already achieved ... In this context I have realigned the DMTC management team to support continued delivery of outstanding research outcomes and building a resource to address the many new opportunities that continue to arise.' CEO, DMTC, 2012 Annual Report 'Capability Through Collaboration', Thanks to Bill from Bendigo.

Innovative outcomes impact food
'Innovations Catering believe there are simply no boundaries when it comes to creating a quality event ... From corporate catering and conferences to exclusive private parties and weddings, the team at Innovations Catering is committed to providing professional outcomes with creative twists that will both delight and surprise your clients, friends and family.'

Negative investment experience
'We expect the 2012 negative investment experience to largely reverse over time, because the assets are of high quality and we typically hold them through to maturity.' Fund manager Challenger's chief executive, Brian Benari. Thanks to John Lightbown.

Disrupting and leading a cup of tea
'We believe the tea category is ripe for reinvention and rapid growth. The Teavana acquisition now positions us to disrupt and lead, just as we did with espresso starting three decades ago. Teavana's world-class tea authority, coupled with the romance and theater of the retail experience that is the heart and soul of Starbucks heritage, will create a differentiated customer experience and business opportunity that delivers immediate value to shareholders. This complements our existing Tazo brand and gives us the unique opportunity to create a two-tiered market position. Howard Schultz, Starbucks chairman, president and CEO. Business Wire, 14 November 2012.

The ABC Shop Fullfilment Centre
On a CD receipt. Thanks to Scott O'Keeffe who says: 'I think in bygone eras this might have been called the mail room. Anyway, it has been gratefully received by my purchaser merchandise reception and appreciation precinct (living room).'

Escalated
'We value the feedback here and have escalated these comments to management.' Harvey Norman's response to people asking they don't advertise on a radio show. Thanks to Peter Anson.

'Our Quality Philosophy
IPHoA management philosophy that seeks continuous improvement in the quality of all the processes, products and services of an organisation. It emphasises the reaction to process variance, stakeholder process ownership, the importance of measurement, the role of the customer and the involvement of employees at all levels in an organisation in pursuit of such improvements.' Independent Private Hospitals of Australia. Thanks to Alasdair McGregor.

Impacting functionality
'In order to retire the service we need to identify if you are using it and if you are what functionality of this service you are using so that we can identify a suitable service for you going forward and plan the transition accordingly to avoid any impact to your business.' From the host of this website.

Beverage incident
'My local pizza shop has a certificate behind the counter from schwepps congratulating them for their great increase in "beverage incidents". Are we just drinking more? Hang on, I'm having a beverage incident now'. Thanks to Jenny who also heard a police officer, when interviewed about a robbery, saying "the offender had a bladed knife". Jenny comments: 'As opposed to the other sorts of knives that aren't bladed?'

We have a hard day ahead as we are rolling out some project deliverables. Thanks to anonymous who asks: 'Does this mean finishing or completing something?'

Deranged
'The product in question would no longer be available for sale as they planned to “derange” it.' Kmart head office replying to an enquiry.

'The reason prices of imported goods don't fall when the dollar rises is that "as suppliers and retailers generally offer a large number of individual products it would be impractical to constantly reset these prices based on frequent movements in the spot price" ... "The desirability for consumers, suppliers and retailers of having relatively consistent pricing of goods, smoothing out fluctuations in the exchange rate."' The Australian Industry Group quoted on Crikey, 'Price gouging: it's all about consumer convenience, see.'

Outstanding Services to Bunkum
'In the wholesale channel, Burberry exited doors not aligned with brand status and invested in presentation through both enhanced assortments and dedicated, customised real estate in key doors.' Angela Ahrendts, chief executive of Burberry quoted by Lucy Kellaway, 'Burberry boss's blend of balderdash and bland is pure bunkum', 9 July, Irish Times.

Harmonising regional prices
'The results from the survey provided an interesting insight into how we should price water and sewer going forward. The main themes were fairness and simplicity - we have these themes in our key objectives in modernising our price structures ... A further move towards simplicity and fairness is our decision to harmonise the prices changed in the Northern and Central pricing zones ... To ease price transition for our Northern customers, we propose to harmonise these charges over nine years ... We are considering granting a longer transitional period on larger customers in the Northern zone to minimise large price increases or "shocks".
We are committed to improving our performance in areas we did not achieve our targets. Several issues hindered our efforts and we have implemented a number of actions to achieve better performance ... the extent of our geographical area can often challenge our ability to meet our rectification time target.
In order to keep prices as low as possible, we are proposing several slight reductions in service levels.' Water Plan 2013-2018, draft, Coliban Water.

'We want to reassure customers that they have a voice in how the over-recovery of funds is managed going forward through our draft Water Plan consultation process.' In a statement from Melbourne Water after admitting they had been charging households $306 million for a desalination plant that is not yet operating. The Age, 14 June, 2012.

Accounting irregularity
'Hastie Group non-executive directors Lindsay Phillips and Harry Boon quit after a $20 million ''accounting irregularity'' emerged in the books of one of the company's Queensland divisions.' The Age, 28 May, 2012.

'Since the acquisition was completed, we have reviewed the future direction of the business to maximise its potential and ensure its on-going growth in line with that of the wider Merlin business. Regrettably this has meant that some positions at Melbourne Aquarium are no longer required and we have consulted with those employees affected.' 'Melbourne Aquarium sent us a wonderful corporate-speak statement, with this key line confirming the cuts (although declining to name a figure)': Crikey, 21 May, 2012.

Listening session
'TOONGI Hall on the Obley Road is set to host a “listening session” on the Dubbo Zirconia Project (DZP) this week. Australian Zirconia Limited, a wholly-owned subsidiary of Alkane Resources, is sending its socioeconomic consultant Diana Gibbs to the hall at 6pm on Friday, April 27. She will listen while people living in the district talk. The company reports calling the meeting to hear of “potential community impacts” of the DZP.' Daily Liberal, Dubbo NSW, 25 April, 2012. Thanks to Kim Johnstone.

Driving higher employee engagement
In an email earlier this year from Gail Kelly, Westpac CEO, before announcing job cuts of more than 500. After the announcement:
'560 roles would be impacted by the implementation of the strategic agenda...'

Narrativity in Organizations
'Through narrative practice we can enrich and explore the interpretative horizon of our situation and we can develop a more authentic managerial language that empowers us to face complexity and dilemmas as drivers of welfare innovation.' Narrativity in Organizations Plenary, Keynote by Klaus Majgaard, Narrative Conference 2012 Denmark.

Outcomes, road map, underpinned objectives, outcomes...
'There are two important corollaries to our customer commitment and focus on data and its reflection in our results-driven planning. First, that we will provide the best quality journalism and compelling content and second, that we will invest in engaging and developing the capabilities of our people. The importance of our journalistic quest for the best, and similarly to develop our people, is self evident to our future success ... Finally we must ensure we are at all times accountable for our plans and the outcomes from our actions. That accountability in pursuit of agreed objectives will be dependent on individuals stepping up to take responsibility for their own actions and the outcomes that follow from them ... I am eager to ensure this transformation provides a clear road map and clarity on the objectives which underpin it, so that we can all constructively engage with it. ' From an email from Kim Williams, News Ltd CEO, to staff.

'We take our quality-assurance processes seriously and have proactively undertaken process improvements to ensure that they are as robust as possible.' Mark C. Rodgers, a Citigroup spokesman. 'Citigroup Whistle-Blower Says Bank's ‘Brute Force' Hid Bad Loans From U.S.', Bloomberg, 16 February, 2012. Thanks to Matthew Barison.

Leveraging the engagement leader
'To develop these solutions, [the company's] proven will follow proven methodologies that leverage our industry knowledge and a set of proven best practices for web development ... [The company's] project manager and engagement leader will work with the project team in the creation of a development plan to enumerate the set of tasks needed to develop the Member Directory and coordinate the creation of content from the member organizations.' They're talking about a website upgrade. Thanks to anonymous.

Positively reset environment
'... chief executive Rhys Holleran said in a statement he was confident the Kyle and Jackie O Show "has been positively reset for 2012" and would provide an "advertiser-friendly environment".'
'Sack Vile Kyle' campaign drives sponsors away, The Age, 20 January 2012.

Management Bandwith step-change
'· Increased Management Bandwidth – added capability and capacity, alongside restructured team management ...
· Springboard for Development – Combined these changes will support accelerated development of our people, content and delivery to customers ...
This represents a step-change in the way we deliver content to our customers and further enhances IHS Fairplay as the leading brand in the global maritime sector.  This new platform, alongside the team changes create a great springboard for continued improvement in the services we offer our customers.' Email announcing new manager. Thanks to Jacqui.

Logistical flood
'The inundation of greater Bangkok has directly disrupted the logistical supply chain for materials, labour and transport.' January 2012 From the newsletter of Raimon Land, a real estate developer, January 2012. From anonymous who says: ' Surely this information could be more simply expressed as: 'Supplies of materials, labour and transport have been disrupted by the Bangkok floods.'

New Business Pack Edible
An online NSW Workers’ Compensation Policy Application Pack from Allianz. Thanks to Mike Patterson who says: ' I've tried it, and it tastes terrible'.

Architecting jargon
'Jargon Technologies announced the launch of JargonTalk, a cross-platform technology that enables advanced interactive applications which run on a multitude of devices. Building on their years of successful framework development and leveraging the proliferation of WiFi enabled devices, engineers at Jargon have architected JargonTalk to simplify entertainment app creation.

Product Manager - Disease Management & Mental Health
'An opportunity has arisen for a Product Manager who will be responsible for product planning, pricing and execution of product initiatives throughout the product lifecycle. Key requirement of this role include; gathering and prioritising product and customer requirements, defining product vision, and working closely with internal and external stakeholders to implement product changes. Reporting to the GM of MHS Marketing and Product, the Product Manager will also provide comprehensive analytical support to MHS including assessment of product revenues by line of business, sector, segment, and product and distribution channel.

Responsibilities include:

  • Design, develop & deliver appropriate product & channel strategy for MHS Disease Management and Mental Health portfolio
  • Drive the execution of product development initiatives that meet customer needs
  • Successfully influence sales and operations functions to ensure that product profitability is maximised
  • Grow revenue by identifying new market opportunities, reduces costs and improve efficiencies.
  • Business case development for product initiatives
  • Ensure product & process compliance across the business'
    Job advertised by Medibank Health Solutions. SEEK, 29 November, 2011.

'Victorian Taxi Association stakeholder engagement projects officer.'
Thanks to Jeremy Press who wonders what they'd call a clerk.

'What would make the biggest difference in driving behaviour change amongst consumers?

Two answers were jointly selected in response to this question - the first was about talking the consumer's language and ditching jargon, the second about incentivising the consumer to change behaviour...
3. Create a common measure and language with clear communications e.g. 'kite mark', 'five a day'
4. Visible metrics on performance.'
IBM sustainability summit. Thanks to David Roser.

'The Guardian has reported that The Wall Street Journal channelled money through European companies which, in turn, bought thousands of copies of the newspaper for as little as 5c a copy. The papers were often on-passed to students.' The Age, print edition, 14 October, 2011.

'Taken together, Human Resources Services Branch, the Chief Financial Officer's Branch, and the Innovation and Information Technology Branch provide the department's core enabling services. These three enabling services play a critical role in helping the Department to achieve its Strategic Outcomes.' Human Resources and Skills Development Canada.

'Your journey to and from work is not expensed.' From an email Anthony received. ' I think he is trying to say that I cannot claim expenses for travelling to work.'

Lean management?

Dear all,

I am writing to advise you of an upcoming Leadership Dimensions workshop on ‘Lean Management' ... The application of Lean Thinking and Lean Management aligns and integrates long term business improvement strategies to day to day continuous improvement targets, ensuring along the way that enterprises remain above all else customer focused, flexible and ready for the challenges ahead. The Lean philosophy involves operating the most efficient and most effective enterprise possible, with lowest costs and minimal waste relative to customer value.

In order to develop a truly Lean Enterprise it is necessary for leaders to understand what lean thinking is, how it needs to be approached, what your role is in leading work teams within the organisation, how to instil a set of new behaviours/levels of engagement focused around the customer and a develop a plan for your own area.

Facilitated by UniSA academic staff members, this interactive session is designed to provide attendees with a broad understanding of Lean thinking principles, frameworks for implementing tools in the workplace, and will take you on a journey of other successful organisations which have removed “waste” from their organisation to enable a focus on more important activities. Learn why lean is a change in approach, and how costs are reduced by focussing on people not cost cutting.' Thanks to Janene who says: ' It conjured up all sorts of images for me and also provoked a long sigh and then some laughs  with my colleagues.'

Rebranding Rupert

'In a secret 86-page advertising pitch brief obtained by Crikey, the Australian arm of Rupert Murdoch's global empire—to be rebranded “News Australia”—reveals its plans for a local resurrection under the code name “Project Darwin” ...

The jargon-loaded presentation features phrases such as “sizzle reel”, the “connectivity of niche” and “visual language for employee engagement initiatives”, and bemoans News' subsidiary status compared to internal mastheads and global brands Nike, General Electric and IBM...

“Research revealed some misalignment with espoused and enacted values. It also suggested that any existing value statements were often disconnected from the company or brands and were not well communicated,” the document states ...

Several negative corporate perceptions persist—News is “still in silos”, is “arrogant and difficult to deal with” and newspapers “are the least innovative out of all the media platforms”. Leaked: News Ltd bites the dust by Andrew Crook, Crikey, 21 September, 2011.

'We believe that our customers (retailers) and ourselves should take a shared view of growing the value pool". He [Graham Mackay] continued with "Drawing from our experience, particularly in the US, we will adopt this shared partnership approach (in Australia) to value creation with joint business planning and enhancement of the shopper experience in off-premise channels".' SABMiller's plans to implement their "Building Execution Excellence at Retail" (BEER) initiative following their acquisition of Fosters. Thanks to Peter Laing who reckons: ' I think he means they want to sell more beer through Coles and Woolies.'

"The key to making the most of your digital properties is a CMS designed to maximize engagement by taking advantage of the medium to initiate a dialogue with customers that spans multiple channels and adapts and evolves as they interact with the site, the company, and the brand. The challenge comes in providing and promoting that seamless engagement in a way that doesn't overtax either business or IT users.' Choosing the Best Web CMS Thanks to Dey.

'The board sees enormous growth opportunities on which Yahoo! can capitalize, and our primary objective is to leverage the Company's leadership and current business assets and platforms to execute against these opportunities.

'We have talented teams and tremendous resources behind them and intend to return the Company to a path of robust growth and industry-leading innovation.' Roy Bostock, chairman of the Yahoo board. The Telegraph, 7 September, 2011.

'Hello friends,

We would like to follow up on Suzanne's email last month outlining changes occurring within the Opportunity Development and Communications departments. In that email, Suzanne described restructuring the team to best meet the needs of a Business Life Cycle that includes four phases of the business cycle -- institutional positioning, pre-proposal activities, proposal preparation and post award implementation. In order to do so, we have reorganized the team and work that we do around three focus areas -- donor diversification, country-customer, and excellence -- so that the division can be forward leaning and responsive to Pact's communications and business development needs throughout the business life cycle.  In addition, communications has also developed a system of country liaisons to better address Pact's communications needs worldwide.

Each member of the division has developed a current assignment that details his/her priorities in the three focus areas which contribute to Pact's strategy and achieving the organization's objectives as tracked in the balanced scorecard...

One of the key priorities of the excellence focus area is to build the capacity of the organization to position for and submit winning proposals...

Pact communications is involved with the Pact branding initiative.  At this stage in Pact's history, developing a foundation for building a powerful and memorable brand is particularly important. Clarifying the unique vision and value of the organization and giving staff relevant and tangible tools for their communication purposes will assure internal alignment for Pact's strategic priorities. By creating a solid and differentiated brand position, Pact will be able to define its core messaging and develop a unique visual identity to appeal to new stakeholders and supporters which is critical to continued growth and success.  We will be utilizing a team of Pact “brand ambassadors” comprised of Pact staff to help connect all Pact employees with the branding process.' Email from the senior director of Opportunity Development at PACT who 'help build strong communities globally that provide people with an opportunity to earn a dignified living, raise healthy families, and participate in democratic life. Pact achieves this by strengthening the capacity of grassroots organizations, coalitions and networks and by forging linkages among government, business and the citizen sectors to achieve social, economic and environmental justice.' Thanks to anonymous.

'Star Alliance chief executive Jaan Albrecht reviews the company's application with India's civil aviation ministry: ''With the collective decision to put the integration efforts on hold today we aim to contribute to Air India's flexibility to concentrate on its ongoing strategic orientation.''' Sydney Morning Herald, 7 August, 2011. Thanks to Penny Beitzel

'Its announcement was couched in some of the worst PR weasel-words we've seen: United justified the extra charge by saying "This announcement follows the industry trend of providing more options to travellers so they may customise their travel experience by paying only for the products and services that they want and value." That's right, United Continental is giving customers the option to pay a new $70 fee.' United Continental halves baggage allowance to USA, Australian Business Traveller, 15 July, 2011.

Seamless bleisure

'The creative vision for the campaign was driven by the growing demand from travelers for socially designed spaces and amenities. The "Meet You There" tagline acts as an invitation to experience key brand elements through clever headlines and energetic images of people gathering in different settings. "Wi-Fi, Mai-Tai, Say Hi" shows guests coming together, seamlessly blending business and leisure - also known as "bleisure." Whereas "Body for Business" reflects the importance of health and fitness while on the road and "How to Hotel" highlights how road warriors seek the benefits of the brand's signature Club Lounge experience during their travels. The campaign leverages these communal elements to promote an emotional connection with consumer and Sheraton's new social experiences.' Sheraton Hotels Launches New $20 Million Advertising Campaign on the Heels of Successful Multi-Billion Rebranding Effort - press release 21 June 2011. Thanks to Nic Allum.'

'Employee engagement will improve within the strategic context of assisting your managers to lead their people against the engagement framework.' Thanks to anonymous who came across this in the latest mission statement from the Human Resources team of a large private health insurer.

'Dean you are leading the Knowledge Management Team, what does your role involve?

A lot of 'door knocking' across business units! The first 6 months focussed on raising the profile of the knowledge sharing agenda across the business however what I found is knowledge sharing meant different things to different people and was not clearly & consistently understood. My role is to help establish the knowledge sharing agenda across the business, connect people and support knowledge sharing initiatives. Longer term the challenge is around cultural change to make valuing and sharing knowledge a normal part the way we do things at [xxx].

As an example of the type of support we provide, scheduled the third week of May is a knowledge sharing and collaboration workshop with 45 senior, like minded, executives from across the organisation coming together to explore and set the direction for the cultural journey the organisation will go through to support the knowledge sharing agenda.' A possible contender for the above award? From an interview with an organisation's Knowledge Manager which appeared in the Efficiency Quality Service newsletter for May 2011. Thanks to anonymous.

· Channel agnostic audience creation...
First dot point on CEO's Strategies powerpoint slide. Thanks to anonymous.

'In terms of key metrics you'll see us grow customer numbers, reduce churn, you'll see us grow customer penetration in digital products, you'll see us grow total digital sales and the total value of packages we sell.' Chief Executive of Sensis, Bruce Akhurst in The Australian, 29 March 2011. Thanks to John Anderson.

'Atlassian is looking for a Scrum Master to join the GreenHopper team. The Scrum Master will focus on developing this team, removing impediments and improving velocity. The Scrum Master will also provide agile coaching to other teams within Atlassian to improve their agile maturity. The Scrum Master will have a broad understanding of the software development industry and a comprehensive understanding of the values, principles and practices across the agile community. The Scrum Master will possess highly developed mentoring and coaching abilities and become a thought leader within the agile community.' ????? From Jobs on Australian Life Scientist. Thanks to Sean McGuigan

'Over the last 10 years OneSteel has embedded sustainability within strategy, management and operational practices. Our people's passion and commitment is driving our sustainability journey and delivering tangible value for stakeholders.

The safety of our people and the delivery of innovative solutions for our customers underpin OneSteel's daily activity. As does building strong relationships with the communities in which we work, taking responsibility for the impacts across the entire life cycle of our products and delivering strong financial returns for shareholders.

With over 200 sustainability initiatives underway, we are working hard to maximise the contribution to sustainable societies of today and tomorrow.' Geoff Plumme, CEO of Onesteel Sydney. Thanks to Bill Parker.

To: ALL CCI [ Chamber of Commerce & Industry of WA ] STAFF
Subject: From the Chief Executive: staff engagement

What has already been done?
... 6 . The Leadership Team has done a "Full Plate Review" to support a greater focus on truly critical activities at enterprise level, and reprioritise activities that aren't as important.
So, what can you expect to see in the coming weeks and months?
You will:
1. hear feedback on the responses and initiatives that will be undertaken to respond to issues raised in your group/team.
2. be invited to participate in a workshop that will provide you with an opportunity to discuss and understand more about CCI's values and how these link to the CCI brand, to our customers and how we work with each other ...
The graphic attached presents a simple picture of our approach to addressing the feedback from the 2010 survey, along with allocated responsibilities. Those with primary carriage are identified through the colour coding. See the 'simple' graphic here. Thanks to anonymous.

'Dear Customer,
We at Keells Super are constantly striving to provide you the best quality products and services. We would value any comments or suggestions you may have that would enable us to deliver you a pleasant shopping experience.
Thank you.
Your Keells Super Team.'
A supermarket in Kelaniya, Sri Lanka.

'A paradigm shift will require thought leadership in regards to strategy and culture, a strong feedback loop on the effectiveness of initiatives, and a recognition of the broader diversity opportunities that may be leveraged through the ASX Governance Principles on gender.' From Equal Employment Opportunity Network of Australia / Hudson's report: Looking for a paradigm shift: 2010 Market leader report on diversity and gender. Thanks to Jennifer Tunny.

'[X] has been with ACP for over 10 years and has been key in establishing our category leadership position at retail level as well as driving process engineering and technology investment across both our circulation and distribution platforms to enhance our supply chain efficiencies.

The newly created role will report directly into me and encompass responsibility across Photography and content syndication, Pre Press, Production, Circulation, Distribution and Retail Sales with a view to gain further alignment and synergy in the product value chain from editorial to the magazine reader.' Matthew Stanton, chief operating and finance officer, ACP Magazines intranet 23 February 2011.

'Mr Hammond, a brand mangement expert, advises leading companies on how to reach and engage with their customers. "Anyone I talk to about the brand of Jetstar say exactly the same thing: they are the worst service airline when it comes to giving you access to details and reassurance. "It's just re-emphasises that this brand only cares about costs, it doesn't care about passengers.' More flights cancelled as passenger anger mounts, The Age, 28 January 2011.

(previous quotes now in a PDF file)

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The Corporate Bullshit Generator
'
The steering committee 24/7 transitions the high-level win-win solutions. The resource cautiously champions a movable business philosophy.'

Office Speak Rotating Stamp
'We put the right words right where you need them: on a convenient rotating stamp! With twelve eminently inkable phrases (plus black ink pad), this handy gadget does the talking (and back-talking) for you. You're sure to be a pro at being professional in no time, even if your “desk” is at the library or coffee shop.' Knock Knock Stuff.

Random corporate slogans
A site that generates random nonsensical corporate slogans and mission statements, e.g. 'We will steadfastly and unceasingly provide VPN-enabled workflow enhancements for today's new economy virtual eBusinesses.'
Phrase Generator.com

mission statement
Vision statement. Statement of principles, core values and key goals. Company creed. Usually seen in the reception area, but becoming less common.

'Every business needs a purpose that says what it is and a vision that describes what it wants to be. This purpose and vision come together in the mission statement.' e-Business Plan tutorial

'Our Core Beliefs and Values:
- Objectivity is the substance of intelligence, a deep commitment to the customer in its forms and timing...' CIA mission statement

'Therefore, policies, strategic initiatives and operational plans will be put in place to ensure that a quality service, relevant to this vision and mission statement, are maintained.' James Cook University, chaplaincy.

'Where there is no mission statement, the people perish.'

(Watson's Dictionary of Weasel Words, Contemporary Clichés, Cant & Management Jargon, page 215.)

 


MBA Rag from Tinfish George
'I'll ramp up the game plan
And kick start my career
At the end of the day I'll be okay
And strategise my way right out of here'
Listen to this wonderful song and read the lyrics. Thanks Tinfish.

Business Jargon Makes People Think You're Lying, Study Says Jessica Stillman, bnet.com, 1 July 2011.